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Word Perfect Customer Service Dept.

• This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording,  monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

   

  • "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
  • "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
  • "What sort of trouble?"
  • "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
  • "Went away?"
  • "They disappeared."
  • "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
  • "Nothing."
  • "Nothing?"
  • "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
  • "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
  • "How do I tell?"
  • "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
  • "What's a sea-prompt?"
  • "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
  • "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
  • "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
  • "What's a monitor?"
  • "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
  • "I don't know."
  • "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
  • "Yes, I think so."
  • "Great, Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
  • "Yes, it is."
  • "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
  • "No."
  • "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
  • "Okay, here it is."
  • "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
  • "I can't reach."
  • "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
  • "No."
  • "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
  • "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
  • "Dark?"
  • "Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
  • "Well, turn on the office light then."
  • "I can't."
  • "No? Why not?"
  • "Because there's a power failure."
  • "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
  • "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
  • "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
  • "Really? Is it that bad?"
  • "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
  • "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
  • "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.

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